I don't know how I'll live through the shame of falling hook, line & sinker for your "drunken southern boy" deceit. Great, now I have to move. I'll lose all my friends. When my dog finds out how gullible I am, he'll probably bite me. The barmaid slapped me. And to top it off, the good Sisters of Mercy send me hate mail!
Maybe I went to far with that "hate mail" thingy. You think?
And some of the brothers, they act rather sisterly.
Hang out for days with their friends from the rectory
See them washing their sheets? See them making the bed?
If God's in the house, he'd strike them all dead!
Sorry - best I could think of on short notice